


to love and be loved by me

by kidultq



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Bottom Jeon Wonwoo, Doctor/Patient, First Time, Fluff, Historical Inaccuracy, Kim Mingyu is Whipped, M/M, Mentioned Yoon Jeonghan, Minor Jeon Wonwoo/Yoon Jeonghan, Secret Relationship, Smut, Top Kim Mingyu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-27 06:46:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30118755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kidultq/pseuds/kidultq
Summary: Wonwoo enjoyed the company of men. Men who were taller than him, with broad shoulders and bodies sculpted by gods. He enjoyed their company especially when they had a youthful look on their faces. With bright smiles and lips that looked so kissable, that even someone with such a strong persona like Dr Jeon couldn’t resist sometimes.It would’ve stayed a hidden desire if only someone who fit his description of peace on earth didn’t walk into his life.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu
Comments: 10
Kudos: 77





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> please keep in mind before reading that i, myself, am not sure what time period fits the fic. it was partly inspired by a book i read and gose's bad clue episode. it was supposed to be a really long one shot, but I split it into multi chapter just so it's easier to read, so if parts seem in hurry, its because they kinda are... sorry  
> have fun reading it

Social gatherings weren’t Wonwoo’s thing. Too crowded, too suffocating for the young doctor. Yet tonight he showed up after he missed so many. And his presence in the room was noticed by every head that turned to stare at him, shamelessly. 

He sat down at one of the tables alone, with a drink in his hand as he looked around the room, watching the people that gathered. He didn’t know half of them, the other half however he knew only through work-related stuff. He felt like he was the only one there that came without a date or a friend to keep them company. 

There were many pretty girls, waiting for a good man to marry, in their pretty night dresses, with their hair and makeup done. Making them look like goddesses on earth. Breathtaking they were. And yet Wonwoo wasn’t paying attention to any of them. Like they weren’t even there, while he was the centre of their attention. They were drinking him like they have never seen someone as gorgeous as him. Pale, tall, with his hair pushed back and his glasses sitting comfortably on the bridge of his nose. The suit he decided to wear, looked so good on him. Making him seem ten times more attractive and rich. Any of the unmarried ladies in the room would want to tie him down, tightly at that. 

He left, though. 

He left rather soon before any of them got a chance to share a few glances or exchange a few meaningless words. He was exhausted from the social setting he put himself in. 

Wonwoo hated the crowds, he wasn’t fond of people that much either. He liked nature, he liked rain and soft music playing as he sat in his living room, drinking his afternoon tea or at night something stronger. He also enjoyed the company of men. Men who were taller than him, with broad shoulders and bodies sculpted by gods. He enjoyed their company especially when they had a youthful look on their faces. With bright smiles and lips that looked so kissable, that even someone with such a strong persona like Dr Jeon couldn’t resist sometimes. 

It would’ve stayed a hidden desire if only someone who fit Wonwoo’s description of peace on earth didn’t show up in his little world. It would’ve stayed peaceful and stress-free if someone so beautiful didn’t walk into his life and flipped it upside down. 

He wasn’t expecting it when a young man walked into his office. His nicely tailored suit hugged his body so well, showing off enough curves to make Wonwoo’s mind run. His lips were pink and pressed together, his hair was dark, slightly curled and falling into his face. He was tall. Taller than Wonwoo. Which was rare, since Wonwoo was one of the tallest among his group of friends. Wonwoo was always tall, maybe that’s why when it came to picking a sexual partner he always chose someone taller. 

A young man was his patient. Came that day in for a check-up, for a sore throat and headache. In their small conversation, Wonwoo learned he moved here recently, with his wealthy family in search of better opportunities. It made the doctor chuckle because the small town they moved into didn’t have many opportunities for a better life. Wonwoo grew up here, went to school here, he knew every twist and turn, leaving only to get his doctor’s degree, coming back to take the chair of the town’s praised doctor. 

Maybe the young man was the reason Wonwoo showed up at yet another town gathering in city hall. Maybe Wonwoo was searching for his patient across the crowded room. 

He had to be there. 

These gatherings were towns only social light. And for a family that just moved here, what Wonwoo had assumed was the first time here, this was a perfect way to make connections in the town. To meet new people who can help them build themselves up.

To Dr Jeon's surprise, the young man approached him first. Probably as soon as he had seen the handsome doctor. 

“Ah, doctor. Didn’t expect to see you outside of your office so soon.” 

Wonwoo stared at the man carefully, trying not to make it obvious that he was looking him up and down and the way he looked in his navy blue suit and how dangerous his smile was. 

“Well, Mr Kim,” Wonwoo cleared his throat. “I don’t spend all my time locked in my office and with this town being so small, it was inevitable for us to meet like this.” 

“Heard that you aren’t really fond of these types of outings, doctor.” Young Mr Kim continued, trying to keep the conversation between him and the doctor going. 

“You heard correctly. I guess the town is quick to talk.” 

“No, I asked a few people if I will be able to see you out here ever.” 

After that, every sentence that left Mr Kim’s mouth sounded more and more flirtatious to Wonwoo. He knew the man was just being nice, Wonwoo was probably the first friendly face in the god awful town and the man felt safe talking to him. It was perhaps that Mr Kim fit the doctor’s criteria so perfectly that his brain was playing tricks on him. 

  
  


It wouldn’t be until the next few accidental meetings at Wonwoo’s office, at the social gatherings and the party Mr Kim’s family held in their home that the flirtatious tone man was having would start to keep Wonwoo up at night. Thoughts of touching those soft lips with his fingertips just flooded his mind at night as he laid alone in his bed. Soon after the more graphic pictures would cloud his brain until he was left breathless. Oh, how Wonwoo wanted to feel those blushed lips on his neck, papering him with kisses, soft as cotton. He wanted those big hands to wrap around the same neck soon after. 

And with that Wonwoo knew he stepped over the line. Fantasizing about his patient like that, in the dark of his bedroom, the only thing audible was his soft panting. 

The next time he met Mr Kim, they were on their lunch break together. Wonwoo didn’t expect this turn of events, but the young man wouldn’t leave his office until the doctor went with him to lunch. 

“To be honest, Mr Kim,” Wonwoo states after he was done with his plate, getting interrupted by his friend. 

“Doctor, please.” He said, shaking his head slowly. “We are good enough friends for you to finally start calling me by name.” 

Wonwoo could feel his ears heating up at the other’s words. He didn’t know why he reacted the way he did. Maybe it’s because he didn’t have many friends ever since he came back to the town. Maybe it’s that the handsome man was calling him a good friend. 

“Of course,” Wonwoo whispered, looking down at his empty plate, placing his elbows onto the table. “That should then go both ways, Mingyu.” 

“But it’s more enjoyable to call you doctor.” 

That afternoon, doctor Jeon invited his patient Kim Mingyu to his modest home. For a drink and small talk. He didn’t know what took over his body to invite the man he fantasies every night about, that’s doing such vain things to him in his fantasies, into his home at night. 

Yet he was sitting on his couch, Mingyu a few steps away from him in his velvety chair his mother had left him. A drink in his hand, those hands that made Wonwoo’s throat dry up every time he thinks about them and what he wants Mingyu to do with them. 

“Quite a small place you have here, doctor.” Mingyu was trying his best to make the small talk, while Wonwoo was just staring blankly at him.

“It was my great grandfather’s house. He left it to my mother when he died.” Wonwoo said, looking around. “Had to pay a lot of money to get it back.” 

“Get it back?” 

“State took it after my mother passed away without putting it into anyone’s name.” 

Mingyu was silent for a few seconds, taking a sip of wine Wonwoo poured for him. Wonwoo hoped that the younger man would ask for something stronger, hoping he could get closer to him if he was in his drunken state. It was a terrible thought that ran through the good doctor’s mind and yet Wonwoo didn’t regret it. 

Mingyu looked even better without his jacket on, two buttons of his cream shirt were unbuttoned and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hair was messy and his eyes were glossy under the light of Wonwoo’s living room. Wonwoo thought it was because of the four glasses of wine he drank in such a short time he was here. 

“Tell me, doctor, how does a wealthy, good-looking doctor, with a house and a steady job, not have a wife by his side?” Mingyu asked, raising his brow at the man sitting on the small couch. 

Wonwoo’s lips parted, he was ready to defend himself, as he always does. 

_It’s not the right time for me._

_I haven’t met the one yet, with whom I want to spend the rest of my life with._

_I’m a hopeless romantic, I’m waiting for the right one that will come to me at the right time, and who will love me._

All of them weren’t lies completely in Wonwoo’s mind, so it was okay for him to tell people to turn the attention from himself and his rather lonely love life. 

When he was a young man in school, he never found himself attracted to any of the women in the town. They were all beautiful young ladies, they were wearing their pretty dresses and their skin would glow under the afternoon sun. Wonwoo did find them pretty. Pretty to look at. Like a pretty painting, he would hang up on the wall and look at it all day long. But he never found an urge to go after them, unlike his school friends, he liked to admire them from afar and how free and beautiful they looked. 

It wasn’t until he left the town for school, and was living in an attic of a big house for boys, that he first started to feel drawn to someone. It was a strange feeling for him. It was the feeling his best friend talked about after he met his fiancée. The feeling of being pulled towards the person in more than one way. But what was stranger, was that his feelings weren’t turned towards a young, wealthy lady, with thick dark hair and eyes that held the night sky. It was his then roommate, he had to share the small attic room with. The boy was older than Wonwoo, he was also much shorter. His figure was slim when he took off many layers of his clothes. His eyes were the prettiest Wonwoo had seen in a while. He often caught himself staring at the boy when he was asleep on the bed next to him, he liked looking at how his skin looked under the small light on Wonwoo’s table. Wonwoo wanted to touch him, touch his skin that looked oh so soft. To run his finger across his pretty lips, just to confirm to himself that they were as soft as they looked.

It wasn’t until their last year that his roommate asked him why he was staring at him at night, instead of focusing on his late night studies. 

“What kind of doctor will you be if you get distracted so easily?” He asked, letting out a small chuckle. 

Wonwoo felt like he was teasing him, by how mischievous his chuckle sounded. Still, it made Wonwoo’s throat dry. Did he step over the line? Was his late night looking, that became a habit of sorts for Wonwoo, too much? 

They didn’t talk much about Wonwoo’s study habits after that. Not much has changed that year either. Wonwoo would stay up for until deep hours of the night, his nose in the thick medical books and his roommate would lay in his bed beside Wonwoo’s small desk. Only now, instead of his eyes being closed and the only sound that could be heard from the sleeping boy was the soft breaths he was letting out, his roommate was looking at him the same way Wonwoo would’ve looked at him. 

“Why aren’t you looking at me anymore, Wonwoo?” He asked him one night. “Am I not pretty anymore?” 

Wonwoo’s breath got stuck at the question, his lips and throat drying up quickly. He wasn’t expecting the boy to bring it up ever again. He thought he would stay up with him, to keep him from looking. 

That was the night Doctor Wonwoo ever felt another man’s lips on his. He was still sitting on the old, squeaky chair, as the boy climbed up onto his lap. His lips felt soft on Wonwoo’s. He still remembers how the boy’s eyes were glossy, and how they looked like they held the stars from the skies in them when he pulled away from the kiss. Sometimes Wonwoo sits in his new home, remembering that night, smiling to himself. 

  
  


“Is there a lady you are thinking about right now, doctor?” Mingyu laughed, getting up to sit next to Wonwoo. 

The doctor was lost in his thoughts, deciding to blame it on the wine he was drinking that he let his mind run free to that time. Instead of his quick replies when he is asked about a wife, he was staring blankly at Mingyu. 

“No,” Wonwoo replied, his voice raspy and weak as he tilted his head to look at the man sitting next to him. He was more handsome from this close and Wonwoo doesn’t remember being this close ever since they first met. 

Mingyu smiled, turning his head away from the doctor, looking around the room while Wonwoo couldn’t take his eyes off of him. He thought about how he watched his roommate, and how Mingyu was more handsome, more pretty, under the dimmed lights of Wonwoo’s living room. It felt familiar when Mingyu was suddenly close to him, he closed his eyes, clearing his throat to get the wine thoughts out of his mind. 

“I was never i-interested in pretty ladies in this town.” He said, eyes widening at how it sounded and how Mingyu looked at him after. 

“They aren’t pretty enough for you?” 

“I just don’t need someone right now, in life.” Wonwoo almost whispered, catching the way Mingyu got closer to him. “I’m waiting for the right one.” 

“Aren’t we all?” 

“How come you haven’t found the one?” 

“What makes you think I haven’t?” 

At that Wonwoo’s breath got stuck in his throat again. 

“If you did, you wouldn’t be sitting here drinking with me. You would’ve been home keeping your wife company.” 

“Fair enough, doctor.” 

Wonwoo smiled. 

  
  


Something about Kim Mingyu felt different from the start and Wonwoo couldn’t figure out why. He kept telling himself it was because of how handsome the young man was, and how Wonwoo found people like him attractive. But constant fantasies he was having about his friend were messing up with his brain. Seems like all of his days have come to hoping Mingyu would visit him, talk to him, smile at him. He felt like a kid with a big crush on a girl. He felt the excitement pool in his stomach when Mingyu smiled. He felt his ears burn when Mingyu was close. He wanted Mingyu for himself. 

  
  


“She is from a well off family. I saw her a couple of times.” Mingyu spoke next to him on a bench in a park. 

Wonwoo listened to his friend talk about how he was looking for a girl to wed because his father wanted him to stop fooling around. But with every word that left Mingyu’s lips, the doctor’s fist got tighter to the point his knuckles were starting to hurt. He was jealous, he knew that. He wanted the attention the fair ladies were getting. Why couldn’t he pay attention to Wonwoo more? 

He sounded ridiculous to himself as well. His feelings towards his friend weren’t natural, and he could only sit next to him on a bench, watching the dew on the young grass shine under the noon’s sun and listen. Listen to his friend talk about getting married. 

“But I want to be like you, Wonwoo,” Mingyu said at the end, leaning back on the bench. 

His words made Wonwoo’s head snap towards him, eyes widened in slight shock. 

“I don’t want to marry or have kids. I want to be free.” 

“Freedom isn’t as fun as it looks from an outsider's point of view,” Wonwoo said. “There is something good in marrying and having children.” 

“But that’s not me.” 

“What? Do you want to be a lonely bachelor like myself all your life?”

Wonwoo let out a breathy chuckle, half-joking.

“I won’t be lonely. I’ll have friends like you Wonwoo.” 

  
  


Truth is, Wonwoo liked being friends with Mingyu. Mingyu’s mind was much more open and free than Wonwoo’s. He would notice small things quickly and think outside of the box. Under his cold exterior and expression, Mingyu was a kind soul. Which only made Wonwoo love him more. Being around him made the doctor feel safe and calm, and he knew he could never feel that with another person again. 

Now, his fantasies involved holding Mingyu close, tangling his fingers into the younger's dark hair, watching him sleep peacefully. They involved Mingyu’s arms being wrapped around his tiny waist, and Wonwoo reading him a book so that he can fall asleep to Wonwoo’s calming voice. 

Wonwoo’s sexual desires turned into pure love he couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard he tried. 

  
  


“I admire you, doctor. You are able to hold your life together so well.” 

“It’s just how it looks like on the outside.” 

Mingyu turned to look at him, raising his brow and smiling. “I have known you for a very long time now Wonwoo. I know that’s not true.” 

_If you only knew how many times I have lied to you, Kim Mingyu. You would’ve left me by now if you knew_.

“I told my father I won’t marry,” Mingyu said after a while. 

He looked through the window outside at the big field that spread behind Wonwoo’s office. It was covered in a thick layer of snow that was slowly melting away. It was untouched by the kids or the animals. It was still perfectly smooth and Mingyu found it beautiful the way the snow gleamed under the cold sun as if someone lost thousands of diamonds in the field.

“Mingyu, I have work to do. Is there any particular reason you wanted to see me today? Have you fallen ill?” 

The words that came from Wonwoo’s mouth were harsh, and he could sense the atmosphere in the room shift before the younger man stood up and left the doctor’s office without a word of goodbye. It crushed Wonwoo’s chest, making it hard for him to breathe again. He was sure Mingyu wouldn’t hate him after, he knew Wonwoo had to work and couldn’t always be there to keep him company to talk about his messy life. 

That night Wonwoo was trying to sleep, chasing his dreams and getting lost in his fantasies of a perfect life, when he heard knocking on the door. It was loud and it overshadowed the calming sound of the rain falling outside. It made Wonwoo wake up from his slumber to see who was causing such loud noise at this hour of the night. He wasn’t expecting Mingyu to be standing at his doorstep, drenched from the heavy rain. He wasn’t expecting his friend to pull him by the collar of his sleep shirt and push him back into the hallway of his home. He wasn’t expecting Mingyu’s lips to crush onto his own into a nervous kiss that sent shivers down Wonwoo’s spine. 

When the younger pulled away from Wonwoo, his hands dropping down from the collar of the doctor’s shirt, he was expecting Wonwoo to push him away, slap him, beat him, and shame him. He wasn’t expecting Wonwoo in his half asleep state of mine, to pull him back into the kiss. Wonwoo wasn’t thinking straight, he didn’t know if he was still dreaming or if this was really happening. In the dark he wasn’t even sure the tall figure standing before him was his friend. He could feel the cold skin under his fingertips, as he cupped the cheeks of a man he was kissing. He smelled a familiar scent, he felt at ease. All of that went away when he pulled back, catching his breath and finally waking up. He took a few steps back, looking at the figure of his friend that was standing, dripping water down onto his floor. He reached to the drawer in his hallway, turning on the lamp to finally see the intruder. 

“What are you doing?” Wonwoo wanted to scream, but his voice came out as weak and raspy. 

Mingyu’s eyes filled up with tears as he just stood in front of the doctor, not saying a word. Was there really a way he could explain why he was here in the hours of dead night, wet from the heavy rain, kissing the only friend he has made in over a year? 

Wonwoo waited for an answer, moving his hands to fix his shirt, covering his body as if he was standing naked in front of the man. He licked his lips, still tasting Mingyu’s on them, which only made his ears turn more red. His eyes went up and down Mingyu’s tall figure, and how he was sulking on the edge of crying like a child who dropped his ice cream. 

“Mingyu, do you know what ungodly hour it is? And you are all drenched from the rain! You could fall ill!” Wonwoo’s voice was finally strong enough to scream at the younger. “Have you gone mad?” 

The younger man stood still, taking a deep, shaky breath as he turned around on his heels, walking towards the door. Wonwoo reached out to grab his wrist, feeling the wet shirt under his fingers, but Mingyu only pulled his arm from Wonwoo’s hold. He started running out of the doctor’s home, onto the cold rain. Wonwoo ran after him, but stopped at his proch, watching the man disappear in the dark, his vision blurry because of the rain. 

Wonwoo stood at his porch, getting wet from the rain as well now. He was confused, his mind was screaming at him all the words, sentences that didn’t make sense at the moment. He didn’t know if he was still dreaming, or was it really reality. His confusion was replaced with fear. Fear that he didn’t know Mingyu as much as he thought, that he didn’t read the man correctly. He thought he knew everything about him. What if Mingyu decides to do something so stupid it will get them both in trouble? 

  
  


That night Wonwoo couldn’t get any sleep, he was tossing and turning in his bed, mind processing the event that happened. One night wasn’t enough, he was still thinking about it the next morning at work. He was scared, worried, anxious. To his luck, the day was slow. He assumed not everyone was running around on pouring rain last night. 

“Doctor?” The nurse called out from behind the door of his office opening them slowly and peeking her head through. 

He raised his brow, eyes fixed on his nurse. “I’m apologise, I was zoning out a little.” Wonwoo whispered, assuming that the nurse knocked but he didn’t hear her. 

“I’m going on my break early, since no patient is coming and you only have one scheduled appointment later today.” 

Wonwoo nodded his head, looking through the window seeing that the night’s rain melted what was left of this winter’s snow from the field behind his office. Unlike the winter time, now it looked sad. The ground was covered with dead grass and puddles, with some white left behind. 

“Take as much time as you want today, I don’t think anyone will come. Even if they do I can handle it by myself.” 

The nurse smiled, nodding her head before she closed the door again. He heard her shoes tap on the marble floor as she walked away from his office and he finally relaxed in his seat again. He thought about Mingyu again. He didn’t know if he should go see the younger, if he should talk to him about what had happened. He himself didn’t know what happened. 

He leaned forward, placing his elbow onto his desk, moving his long fingers to his lips, closing his eyes. He let his mind linger to last night and how he, without a single thought of reasoning, pulled Mingyu into another kiss. It was stupid of him, but he couldn’t control his body and his desires. It was as if his body moved without his brain gripping the reality of what he has done. Still, he tried to remember what Mingyu’s lips felt like. The first kiss was filled with rough emotions the younger man was feeling. His lips crashed with Wonwoo’s harshly, as if Kim Mingyu had never kissed before. And when Wonwoo pulled him back, the kiss was more soft, filled with love and desire as if both of them were longing for that kiss for a long time. 

Wonwoo smiled. 

Loud knock on his office doors, snapped Wonwoo out of his daydreaming, scaring him in the process. He didn’t expect the nurse Im to be back from her break so soon, and he didn’t really expect someone to come by.

He cleared his throat, raising his voice slightly so the person behind the door could hear him. The door opened slowly after Wonwoo had let them in, and he put on a smile, that soon erased from his face when he saw his friend walk into his office. 

Wonwoo stood up from his chair quickly, eyes wide as he saw Mingyu walk too slowly and close the door behind him, his broad back facing the doctor. 

“Mingyu.” Wonwoo said, a hint of relief present in his voice. “Are you alright? Do you feel well? You didn’t get ill?” 

Wonwoo kept asking questions, worried for Mingyu’s well being. He walked around his table closer to the man, who slowly turned around to face him. There was unusual sadness behind Mingyu’s bright eyes and Wonwoo’s words disappeared. He wasn’t sure what had happened to the younger man, he just knew something was wrong. He stopped in his tracks, a good meter or so was between two men as Wonwoo waited for the other to say something. 

“Mingyu, do you feel unwell because of running in that rain? Have you fallen ill?” 

“Why don’t you ask me the real questions, doctor?” Mingyu said, his voice raspy and weak and Wonwoo wasn’t used to that. 

“What?” 

“Why don’t you ask me why I came to your house last night?” 

“Mingyu…” Wonwoo sighed, taking another step close to the man. 

“Why don’t you ask me why I kissed you?” Mingyu raised his voice at the doctor, making him flinch a little. 

The younger seemed angry for some reason. Wonwoo didn’t know if he was angry at him for worrying about things Mingyu wasn’t even thinking about or if it was something else that clouded his mind. But Wonwoo didn’t want to back off until he knew his friend was well.

“Mingyu, I just want to know if you are alright. It was cold last night and you were all wet from the rain…” 

The doctor was cut off by the two hands grabbing the collar of his shirt alongside his white coat and pushing him back until his lower back met with his desk. His breath got stuck in his throat as he looked up at Mingyu’s face up close. 

Mingyu’s face was so close. 

Wonwoo felt his heart beat fast in his chest, as if this wasn’t the man he had his lips locked with last night. His ears were burning up and even with his glasses his vision got blurry. 

“Why did you kiss me back?” Mingyu whispered, leaning his face closer to Wonwoo’s, his lips getting closer yet again. 

Wonwoo clenched his teeth, moving his eyes from Mingyu’s face and turning his head to the side. He reached his hand up to grab one of Mingyu’s wrists and squeeze it tight. He didn’t know what to answer to the younger, not now that he was so close to him. 

“Mingyu…” 

“Why did you kiss me?” The younger raised his voice this time, moving both of his hands up to cup Wonwoo’s cheeks and turn his head back so Wonwoo would face him again. 

But as much as Mingyu wanted Wonwoo to look him in the eyes, the doctor shut his eyes as soon as he faced the younger. 

“What was I supposed to do when a lunatic comes at my door in the middle of the night, grabs my collar and kisses me?” Wonwoo’s voice was calm, but his action of pulling the other’s hands from his face were rather harsh. 

“Push me away!” Mingyu yelled, moving his face away from Wonwoo’s. 

The doctor finally opened his eyes again and looked at the man before him. He was still so close to him, but the small distance Mingyu made between them let Wonwoo breathe again. 

He stayed silent. He knew that was what he was supposed to do when Mingyu kissed him. He was supposed to push the younger away, punch him maybe. But his sick brain told him to kiss the man. To take a chance to really kiss him. 

Wonwoo’s silence held so many answers to Mingyu. He knew why Wonwoo was silent. He knew that if he did it again, Wonwoo wouldn’t push him away again. Wonwoo didn’t say a word, but his silence answered every question Mingyu wanted to ask him. 

And when Mingyu moved close again, his soft lips hovering above Wonwoo’s, the doctor didn’t move again. He didn’t try to push him away. 

“Push me away, Wonwoo,” Mingyu whispered against the other’s lips. 

The doctor moved his hands up to the younger's shoulder, feeling his body tense under his touch. His reason was telling him to push Mingyu away, it was telling him how unnatural this attraction was; how disgusting he was for even thinking about Mingyu’s lips on his again. 

His hand moved up to Mingyu’s cheek, shaking slightly as he felt the soft skin under his fingertips. He had always imagined how it would feel to be this close to the younger, his hand on the other cheek. His breath became shaky and closed his eyes again as he leaned closer, his lips brushing against Mingyu’s. 

“We shouldn’t…” He whispered. The statement was meant more for himself than the other. “It’s wrong, Mingyu.” 

“I don’t care.” 

“Mingyu, we can’t.” 

“Kiss me again, doctor.” 

Wonwoo wasn’t strong enough to hold back anymore. He leaned closer, connecting his lips with Mingyu’s again. Mingyu’s lips felt better now that he was fully awake and the kiss wasn’t forceful. It was slow and soft. It was all Wonwoo had hoped for. He imagined it like this, filled with desire and passion. As if Mingyu had read his mind like he knew all of Wonwoo’s fantasies. 

He only pulled away to catch his breath, eyes opening to look at the man that he had just kissed. Mingyu was already looking at him, his eyes were so pretty up close like this. They made Wonwoo blush. 

Wonwoo would’ve thought he was daydreaming. That something like this could only be a fragment of his crazy imagination. From all the books he had read as a child, they finally started to mess with his brain. But it was far from that. Mingyu was real. The same Mingyu that he had just kissed. The same Mingyu that had his hands on his hips. The same Mingyu he wanted to kiss again and again until his lips were bruised. 

“Mingyu…” He finally spoke up, his voice rougher than before. 

Mingyu looked at him, raising his brow as he leaned closer again, their noses touching. The younger smiled. Oh, that smile. Wonwoo could look at it for hours, days even. His smile was Wonwoo’s favourite. 

“For someone who never kissed a lady before, you are a good kisser, doctor,” Mingyu said, pulling away slightly, but Wonwoo wouldn’t let him. 

“I only said ladies,” Wonwoo admitted, smiling as he pulled the younger into another kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

Even weeks after a kiss he shared with his friend in his office, Wonwoo still thought it wasn’t real. Perhaps it was because it never happened after that and he felt like Mingyu was ignoring him after that day. Of course, Mingyu would still come around his office, faking an illness so he could talk a little. He would ask Wonwoo to go for a walk with him, or to the park. And every time Wonwoo expected the younger man to get closer to him again, yet it never happened. 

As if Mingyu pretended it never happened and it made Wonwoo over think things over and over again.

It was when Mingyu invited the doctor for yet another social gathering in the town. This time it was a spring festival that was held in their small town. The festival was celebrated the first week of spring. Town’s people would sing, drink and dance around the town until the crack of dawn every night. Many merchants and entertainers for other towns would come during the festival to earn money from drunk people. The last time Wonwoo went on one was when he was a child and his mother dressed him up. But Mingyu insisted on him going, saying he wanted to see the famous spring festival. 

And now that he was there, Mingyu was nowhere to be found. It worried the young doctor that his friend suddenly disappeared in the crowd of people like that, leaving him alone. Wonwoo hated the crowd. Everyone was there with someone, and he was there alone. 

“I’ve never expected to find you here, doctor,” A sweet voice spoke next to Wonwoo, making his heart beat faster. 

It was a woman’s voice. Sweet, soft, but louder than street performers a few steps away from where Wonwoo was standing. Wonwoo turned around the face of the lady the voice belonged to. She was a lot shorter than him, her dark hair was contrasting her pale complexion perfectly. Her eyes were shining under the lights coming from around them and when she smiled her eyes almost disappeared. 

“I don’t come out that often, do I?” He said, trying not to sound rude after staring at her for so long. 

Wonwoo thought how she was one of the ladies in town that never got to marry and desperately tried to swoon the town’s doctor over. She managed to catch him alone before he could run away from the festival and Wonwoo was never the one to be rude towards the ladies. 

“I was quite surprised that you weren’t in the company of Mr Kim tonight,” She smiled. 

“Ah, Mr Kim has left me alone I suppose.” 

  
  


She introduced herself as Jiwoo, but Wonwoo couldn’t remember her being his patient which made it easier when she asked him to have a drink with her in The Cabin. She said they had a spring festival special drink, Wonwoo shouldn’t miss out on. 

Jiwoo wasn’t pushy like the other ladies in the town when it came to talking to Wonwoo. She was more friendly as if her end goal wasn’t to really get Wonwoo to magically fall in love with her. She seemed genuine with her words and the doctor liked that. 

He could feel everyone’s eyes on the two of them as they walked down the street to the only bar in town that was still working. With its mediocre name, Wonwoo wondered how it was the only one still working. Maybe it was the owners who were the good people. Wonwoo still remembers finding his father in the same bar, talking to the old owner’s son. 

It’s been years since Wonwoo stepped into The Cabin, and yet it still looked the same. The walls were painted the same yellow colour and the tables were still placed in the same order. Nothing has changed except the owner. 

Jiwoo sat down opposite the doctor, ordering them two flower drinks she invited Wonwoo to try. She was a more dominant and independent lady than Wonwoo expected her to be. Every other lady would expect him to order the drinks and invite them places. Wonwoo found it a likeable trait in her. 

“All these ladies are looking at you, doctor,” Jiwoo said after she looked around the room. 

“They are looking at you.” 

“Indeed,” She leaned forward, placing her elbows on the table and smiling at the doctor. “They are drilling holes in my back, wondering how she got the prude doctor to drink with her.” 

Wonwoo felt his ears turn red at her words, as he lowered his head, pushing his glasses up his nose with his index finger. He lifted his head to look around the room, to see if really all the women were staring at them. He smirked, shaking his head.

“I’m not a prude,” Wonwoo defended himself and Jiwoo smiled. 

  
  


Oddly, Jiwoo reminded Wonwoo of his friend a lot, maybe that’s why he agreed to accompany her here. He liked her subtle jokes, and what seemed to be insensitive comments. He liked how she called him a doctor in a more mocking way, probably imitating how others called him on a daily basis. 

  
  
  


It was well into the night, and the bar started to empty and it seemed like Jiwoo and Wonwoo were the last two there who had no plans on leaving anytime soon. If Wonwoo was honest, he didn’t want to go home. There he would just sit on his bed and overthink every move Mingyu has made in the past month since they shared a kiss. He is gonna think about how Mingyu never wanted that and how it was just to prove to himself he didn’t want to be like Wonwoo. 

As soon as he started thinking about his friend, the atmosphere around them changed. Wonwoo stopped talking for a good few minutes and Jiwoo could sense something was wrong. 

  
  


“Looks like Mr Kim finally decided to look for you, doctor.” 

At that, Wonwoo lifted his head and turned around to see Mingyu standing by the entrance to the bar, looking straight at their table, smiling. And Wonwoo’s heart dropped. He watched the lady smile all evening and didn’t feel the warm feeling in his chest until he saw that damned smile. 

Mingyu tilted his head, raised his brow and waited for Wonwoo to run towards him. The doctor looked him up and down. He was dressed more freely, with a lot of colours on him than usual. Much in contrast with Wonwoo’s black suit. He was just standing there, waiting, tilting his head yet again towards the door, signalling to Wonwoo that he wanted him to leave now. 

Wonwoo turned to his  _ date,  _ and she narrowed her eyes at him. It was more so she could read the situation and not to be rude towards the doctor. 

“Perhaps it's too late for a lady like me to stay in a bar,” She said, getting up from her chair and picking up her purse from the table. “It was nice talking to you, doctor. I hope you have a nice rest of the night.” 

She walked towards the exit, eyeing Wonwoo’s friend almost with resentment for ruining the good time she had with the doctor. But Wonwoo couldn’t see the look in her eyes, he could only see her back as she left the bar. He followed right behind her after paying for their drinks. Mingyu was waiting for him outside of the bar, leaning against the wall of the small cabin. 

He tsked as Wonwoo walked outside, making the doctor flinch. 

“I invite you to spend time with me and you leave me hanging for a lady,” Mingyu said, coming closer to Wonwoo. “I’m disappointed in you, doctor.” 

Wonwoo could only roll his eyes, beginning to walk away from the bar and curious eyes around them. 

“It was you who didn’t show up, Mr Kim.” 

Mingyu snickered next to the older, putting his hands into the pockets of his pants as he walked alongside Wonwoo until they didn’t reach the street that was heading towards the doctor's home. 

“Are you inviting yourself over for a drink?” Wonwoo asked, jokingly. 

“Well, you have to make up for leaving me like a dog on the street the whole night.” 

“It was you who left me.” 

“Really?” Mingyu’s eyes widened and he pulled his hands out of his pockets. “Was it I who was in The Cabin with a lady sharing a rose drink and giggling?” 

Wonwoo turned his head to look at the younger, raising his brow at the tone of his voice. He found it weird that he sounded hurt, offended maybe that Wonwoo didn’t wait for him like he usually did. 

He didn’t say anything, though. He didn’t want to mention the shift in Mingyu’s tone of voice. He just kept walking until he reached the gate of his house. 

“Would you like to have a glass of wine with me, Mingyu?” He asked, watching as the younger raised his brow in confusion. 

“I’m already here, aren’t I? Why are you inviting me now?” 

“I wanted to see your face.” Wonwoo laughed, opening the gate to his house and letting his friend walk in first. 

“You are really funny, doctor.” 

  
  
  


Wonwoo sat down on the couch, watching as Mingyu walked around his living room watching the new decor Wonwoo had put up. It was just a few paintings Wonwoo had bought for cheap from an artist in the town close to here. Wonwoo liked the paintings very much. He thought they would look good with the wallpapers his mother picked out a long time ago. 

Mingyu was standing in front of one of the paintings, holding the glass of wine Wonwoo poured for him. It was a painting of a woman. She was dressed in a black gown and her face was turned to the side. Wonwoo liked the simplistic design of the painting and how beautiful the lady on it looked. There was no meaning in why he chose that painting, but Mingyu seemed to like that picture in particular. 

“Are you gonna stand there all night?” Wonwoo asked after he started to feel lonely and ignored. 

“The painting doesn’t fit in the room.” 

“Is that why you can’t take your eyes off?” 

“It’s frightening to look at,” Mingyu admitted, finally ungluing his eyes from the painting. 

He walked over to where Wonwoo was sitting, placing his glass onto the small table before he sat down next to the doctor. 

“I find the painting rather beautiful,” Wonwoo said, taking a sip of his wine. “Calming even.” 

Mingyu didn’t say anything after that. He stayed silent, the only thing that could be heard in the room was his breathing and the sound of Wonwoo’s clothes ruffling as he drank his wine. He was getting quite drunk, after the second glass of wine and Mingyu’s scent filling the room around him. 

“Who was that lady today?” Mingyu finally broke the silence, making Wonwoo jump in his seat. 

“I don’t know.” 

“But you were drinking with her, having fun and giggling,” Mingyu continued, not believing Wonwoo’s words for a second. 

“I met her this evening as I was waiting for you.” 

“Oh?” Mingyu raised his brow. “So why was the whole town talking how lovely it is that a lady finally captured the doctor’s heart?” 

Wonwoo tilted his head to the side, watching the younger man beside him. He could hear a little jealousy present in Mingyu’s voice and it made him chuckle. 

“A lady captured my heart, hm?” Wonwoo teased, smiling at the younger and Mingyu was quick to catch onto it. 

“From what I’ve seen, you seemed to be enjoying her company.” 

Wonwoo hummed at the statement. “Was I?” 

Mingyu rolled his eyes, pushing the doctor away just a bit so he would get his smirk off of his face. And Wonwoo would only smile wider and let out another chuckle. 

“And why does that upset you?” He asked and the younger stayed silent. 

The doctor waited for his answer, but his gut was already telling him what the answer was and he smiled again. He placed the wine onto the table, turning around to look at the man next to him. Mingyu had his head turned towards the painting again and Wonwoo frowned. 

Perhaps it was the alcohol running through Wonwoo’s veins, but he was tired of constantly waiting for Mingyu. He was the one who kissed him and made his feelings get worse. He is the one who gave Wonwoo false hope and then ignored him after they shared a kiss in his office. And Wonwoo was tired, he wanted it to end. He wanted to know Mingyu’s feelings and why he did what he did. Ane why he pretended it never happened. 

He moved his hand under Mingyu’s chin, turning his face around so he would look at him. Mingyu had a pout on his lips and his eyes were glossy. Wonwoo smiled because of how cute the younger looked. It made his heart beat faster and he could hear it ringing in his ears. He leaned closer enough that his nose was touching Mingyu’s. He felt the other tense up as he moved his hand onto his cheek. Wonwoo brushed his lips against Mingyu’s as if he was asking for permission. If the other wanted, he could’ve pulled away and Wonwoo wouldn’t mind. But he stayed still and Wonwoo took it as an invitation to kiss him, after a long time of waiting to taste his lips again. 

He didn’t want to be too eager, as he was the last time they kissed. He wanted to be slow, soft, perhaps even passionate, to show Mingyu how much he had missed him while the younger was ignoring him. 

When Mingyu pulled away it took a few seconds for the doctor to open his eyes again and look at him. Mingyu still had a small pout on his lips and all Wonwoo could think about was how unreasonably adorable the younger looked. He never saw Mingyu like this. There was something childlike when the younger was pouting and looking like a hurt puppy. 

“You don’t like me being around pretty ladies?” Wonwoo asked, smiling. 

Mingyu blinked a few times, shaking his head as if he was scared to talk and it just made Wonwoo bite his bottom lip to stop his smile from growing bigger. 

Wonwoo wanted to tease the younger more. He found it rather funny how Mingyu was probably jealous for the first time and he didn’t know how to process the emotion. Mingyu was probably used to getting what he wanted and having others be jealous of him. He was probably used to all the men wishing to be him and all the ladies wishing to be with him. 

And Wonwoo wondered if this was the first time Mingyu was attracted to another man. Perhaps that’s why his kiss was forceful and nervous and that’s why he showed up in the middle of the night. 

  
  


Wonwoo pushed the thoughts out of his head, not wanting to ask any questions. 

He moved his hand from Mingyu’s cheek to his chest, leaving it there and he swore he could feel Mingyu’s heart beating fast. He smiled again, pressing his lips against younger’s again. Mingyu was more relaxed this time, kissing the doctor back and moving his large hands onto the doctor’s cheek. He let go. He was getting drunk from the taste of wine on Wonwoo’s lips and he didn’t want to let him go. Wonwoo felt his hand move from his cheek to his thigh, and he felt Mingyu pull him closer. The position was uncomfortable for the young doctor, so he slowly moved to saddle the younger one's legs. It was the first time Wonwoo was in this position and he had to take a few seconds for his brain to process what he just did. 

He pulled away from the kiss, getting more comfortable on Mingyu’s lap. His hands were on Mingyu’s broad chest, which was moving faster than before as the younger tried to catch his breath. Wonwoo looked up at his face, feeling his ears burn again. Mingyu looked so beautiful, with his lips slightly red from kissing him, his cheeks blushed and eyes looking straight at Wonwoo. The dimmed lights Wonwoo left on made the younger look even more gorgeous. 

Wonwoo was still drinking in, how beautiful Mingyu was, and how he was sitting on top of him like this when Mingyu captured his lips into another kiss. He felt the younger’s hand on his torso and him unbuttoning his vest slowly and it made the doctor panic. He didn’t know why Mingyu was trying to take his clothes off. He thought the younger got the wrong idea when Wonwoo climbed up onto his lap. But he was too scared to break off the kiss, thinking it would end now when he wanted to kiss the younger all night long. 

His body stiffened, and pulled away from Mingyu’s lips, looking down at his unbuttoned vest and Mingyu’s hands that were grabbed his waist under it. Mingyu looked at him and then his eyes followed Wonwoo’s. 

“Are you okay?” Mingyu asked. His voice was soft, sweet and just a bit raspy from the kiss. 

Wonwoo felt his heart beat faster as Mingyu drew tiny circles with his thumb. He felt the fabric of his shirt rubbing against his hot skin and he could feel his face burning up. 

“Mingyu…” 

He was breathing heavily, mind running in circles. Many thoughts filled his head and he thought it would explode. Mingyu was probably used to the ladies and he was used to bedding them, taking them. But Wonwoo wasn’t a lady. And the thoughts were scaring him. What if that’s the only reason Mingyu invited himself here? 

Mingyu could sense that Wonwoo’s thoughts were running somewhere else. The doctor was easy to read when he was in his panic state. 

“Wonwoo, I’m not going to do anything,” Mingyu whispered, removing his hands from Wonwoo’s waist. 

Wonwoo lowered his head, getting off of the younger's lap and sitting down next to him on the couch. He let out a heavy sigh, a glimpse of guilt present in his chest and he couldn’t look at the man sitting next to him. He licked his lips, thinking if he should ask Mingyu about everything or if he should keep silent until Mingyu decides to leave. 

  
  
  


“Mingyu,” Wonwoo started, still refusing to look at the other. “What are you doing with me?” 

He waited for Mingyu to answer his question. He was debating if he could’ve phrased his words differently. He pressed his lips together. The only sound that could be heard was the ticking of Wonwoo’s clock in the hallway and the atmosphere around them was heavy, or so it seemed for the doctor. 

“Wonwoo…” 

Mingyu broke the silence and only hearing his name made Wonwoo snap slightly and he raised his head to look at the other man. 

“You never told me why you came to me that night nor why you kissed me,” Wonwoo’s voice was calm, soft like he wasn’t upset.

Mingyu was still silent. 

“Don’t…” Wonwoo sighed, closing his eyes, thinking of better words to say at a moment like this. “You can have any lady you point your finger at.” 

“I don’t want pretty ladies,” Mingyu finally spoke up, letting out a humourless chuckle. “I came to you that night because I wanted to make sure it was only me who felt this unnatural attraction.” 

It was Wonwoo’s turn to stay speechless, clenching his teeth and his hands forming fists. 

“And when you didn’t push me away twice... I was terrified,” The younger continued. “I am still, because I like you, Wonwoo.”

  
  


Wonwoo’s breath got stuck in his throat. 

“And I don’t like you as my good friend. I like you as I would a pretty lady.” 

“I’m not a pretty lady.” 

“No,” Mingyu chuckled again, leaning closer to Wonwoo. “You are prettier than every lady in this town.” 

Younger’s words were something Wonwoo wanted to hear for months. They were the words Wonwoo heard in his head often at night when he was lost in his world of imagination he created in his head. It was strange that he was hearing these words in reality. 

He felt his face burn and he could guess that the other man could see how red his face was now. Wonwoo wasn’t used to attention; he had never received attention like this. Maybe he was reacting like this because it was Mingyu who was saying and giving him the attention he craved for. 

  
  


Wonwoo reached over to grab Mingyu’s hand, after debating with himself for a while. He brought the other’s hand onto his lap and intertwined his fingers with Mingyu’s. He caught Mingyu smiling as Wonwoo squeezed his hand tightly. He liked how Mingyu’s hand was warm, so warm it was a perfect contrast to his freezing cold hands, so warm it was warming up Wonwoo’s hand. And he didn’t want to let go. 

  
  


“You are messing up my head, Kim Mingyu,” Wonwoo finally spoke after a while of just staring at their hands on his lap. 

“The feeling is mutual, doctor.” 

Wonwoo lifted his head up to look at the man sitting next to him. He let go of Mingyu’s hand and reached over to place his hand onto Mingyu’s cheek again. His thumb ran across younger’s bottom lip and he smiled to himself, joyful that he was able to touch Mingyu like this without the guilt and shame pumping in his chest. He pushed his shame away just for one night. One night he wanted to live in his fantasy and tomorrow he can watch it shatter. 

“Stay here,” Wonwoo whispered, his lips now hovering above Mingyu’s again. “Stay here with me. J-Just for tonight.” 

There was a sense of desperation in Wonwoo’s voice like he was begging the other to stay with him. Not that he needed to beg Mingyu. It’s not like Mingyu planned on leaving for the night. 

  
  
  


Wonwoo’s soft pillow that night was replaced by the broad chest of the other man as they laid down on Wonwoo’s bed. He could hear Mingyu’s heartbeat from where his head laid. Mingyu’s hand was wrapped around him, his hand placed on Wonwoo’s lower back as they laid there in silence. Wonwoo felt at ease, listening to Mingyu’s soft breaths, Wonwoo’s cheek pressed flat against his chest. 

“You are warm.” 

“I am warm?” 

The doctor hummed in response, scooting closer to the other and letting a heavy sigh. As much as he wanted to ignore the poisonous thoughts, they would always flood his mind. Even now, he couldn’t push them away no matter how hard he tried to just enjoy the moment. 

“Your mind is somewhere else, isn’t it?” Mingyu asked and Wonwoo could hear his voice echoing in his chest. “Stop thinking about whatever is on your mind, Wonwoo. Think about me and how warm I am instead.” 

Wonwoo complied with the younger’s request, closing his eyes now and thinking about how much warmth Mingyu’s body was giving and how good it felt to be surrounded by it. He didn’t know when he had fallen asleep, he just knew that warmth never left him. 

  
  
  


Days had passed since he was in bed with Mingyu, and still, every night since then when he laid down in his bed he thought about how he wanted to have Mingyu by his side again. He was beginning to miss the other man, more and more each day. He still saw him in the town, they still talked and joked, but there were very few places where Wonwoo could hold Mingyu’s hand or kiss his lips again. The only place that felt safe for them to hold each other was Wonwoo’s home. 

  
  


“My father wants to hold a gathering for my birthday this weekend,” Mingyu said, as he was walking Wonwoo home. 

“He didn’t do that last year, did he?” 

“This year he wants to have a gathering so he could pick a wife for me.” 

“I thought you told him you won’t marry?” Wonwoo asked, clearing his throat that went dry at Mingyu’s words.

“He is a persistent and stubborn old man.” 

Wonwoo only nodded, opening the gate to his house and turning to look at Mingyu, who was standing at the entrance still. 

“Would you like some tea?” Wonwoo asked, politely. 

  
  
  


Wonwoo liked being around Mingyu. He enjoyed his company even more now that he was allowed to touch Mingyu the way he imagined it. It was a secretive love affair that happened behind closed doors and he knew how wrong it was, but he was happy. Was it so wrong to be happy? What was so wrong with the way Wonwoo loved Mingyu, that he heard many people preach against it? 

  
  


“Wonwoo,” he heard Mingyu call out for him. “You are somewhere else again, aren’t you?” 

Mingyu always caught on whenever Wonwoo was thinking, zoning out of reality and coming up with answers in his head on his own. He would call out for him and tell him to focus on something else. Mingyu was probably thinking the same things as Wonwoo, late at night when he would lay in his bed. He was probably hurting from them as well, and he wasn’t going to let Wonwoo hurt too. 

  
  


Wonwoo placed the cup of tea he was holding down onto the table. The set of floral tea cups he bought when he was leaving the city to come back home. His roommate picked them, out of all the cups he said the ones with blue and pink flowers were the prettiest. And Wonwoo agreed. He looked at Mingyu, a smile creeping out on his lips as he leaned closer to the younger man. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, and Mingyu only nodded his head. 

He could taste the sweet, fruity tea on Mingyu’s lips when he kissed him. Wonwoo liked very few things in life, and kissing Mingyu was surely becoming one of his favourite things to do to pass time. He knew the affair would disappear into thin air soon, and he didn’t want to forget how soft younger’s lips are. It’s not like he could ever forget. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading !!  
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/bubblekoo_) let's be friends idk :]

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading !!  
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/bubblekoo_) let's be friends idk :]


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